Serving New Haven and Fairfield Counties

Emotional Expectations of Divorce

Divorce will take its emotional toll and you will need extra support. Friends and relatives may want to provide support to you during divorce.  Sometimes their well meaning efforts can fuel the fire rather than tame it.  Also, their well meaning tips could confuse you as to proper legal procedure and rights.  So accept their love and temper their well-meaning input by adding a divorce professional (coach, attorney, mediator) to your team.

Divorce does not have to be a “war”. Most cases resolve via a settlement (or what’s termed a separation agreement) regarding financial issues and a parenting plan regarding custody and visitation issues. Both parties should do their best to negotiate each issue to reach resolution. This helps you keep control over your case and the outcome.  The easier both parties make the process, the sooner you will both reach your ultimate goal of moving on with your lives

There will be a lot of change to your life and your children’s lives. Your social network and your standard of living are going to change.  But, remember as much as your life is changing, your children’s lives are changing to0. Do your best to make this transition smooth for them by encouraging the loving relationships they have with their support system of family and friends.

You might feel a sense of failure or loss. The roller coaster of emotions you will undergo may surprise you, even if you’re the party asking for the divorce. Look for ways to avoid negative behavior and channel your stress into something healthy, such as yoga, meditation, working out at a gym. Regular exercise has been proven to benefit persons under stress. If physical activity is not your thing, talk to a therapist or mentor about your feelings. Any positive outlet you use will help you feel healthier and that will help you make decisions from a more rational and clear-headed perspective.

The feeling of anger towards your soon-to-be-ex. If you happen to have children with your ex, while it may not be easy, conceal your dislike of your ex when you are around your children and don’t speak negatively about him/her in earshot of your children. Children should be kept out of adult issues – they do not need to see their parents arguing as they’re experiencing their own emotions regarding all the changes that are happening. While children are resilient, divorce is still hard on them.

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