Serving New Haven and Fairfield Counties

Why Divorce Is Hard

unhappy couplesClients identify the following as reasons why divorce is hard – attachment surrounding one’s spouse; dwelling on the what if’s; reliving the specifics and history; inability to achieve personal growth from the experience.

While one, some, or all of the above listed may be present in your experience and difficulty in coping with divorce, it’s the last factor that I’d like to spend some time on today.  For many, this is the major obstacle that impedes recovery and the ability to move on.

Divorce is not a zero sum game.  At its core, divorce is like the winding up of a business – the listing of income, expenses, assets and debts, personal property and other particulars of your marriage, and dividing same equitably via a separation agreement.  If there are children of the marriage, determining what’s in the children’s best interest going forward is identified and incorporated into a parenting plan.  If the parties are unable to make those decisions, then a Judge after a trial will make them for you.

The reality is that divorce isn’t about victories and losses.  Moving on requires looking within oneself to find the right perspective to emerge a better person and start the new chapter of your life on a positive note.  You must do this internal work, while also determining what of the material assets are necessary to keep or let go of.

If you are experiencing difficulty in coping with your divorce experience, reach out to a licensed marriage and family therapist, or other professional, for guidance.



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